I had a dream the other night...

I had a dream the other night that I was walking in a garden. This garden was laid out on either side of a stone path and no matter how hard I tried, I kept trampling the flowers. I would straighten and water them and watch the plants grow for a time but in the end they would all die. It seemed like years of hard work that all amounted to nothing. 

Suddenly a hand reached out to me and offered help over to a new path. As I walked it, it didn't matter what I did to the flowers. I could step, kick, or pull at them and still they refused to be destroyed. Instead of being maddening it seemed entirely comforting. I had worked so hard on my little garden and yet nothing I did helped the little plants grow. Here I was in a place where I didn't have to work; everything was already done and nothing I did would stop it from happening.

Now bear with me as this is how my mind associates things. I'm at a time of my life where I'm working through several aspects of my life. Relationships, getting ready to graduate college, finding internships and a job, balancing friends and work; it's all overwhelming at times. However I always find myself giving the same advice to others and not really doing all that well at following it myself. It usually starts with God has a plan. We can kick and scream and fight but it's already been laid out. We can see it as frustrating or choose to see it as comforting because no matter how far we fall, the plan is there. He sees and knows everything and in my weakest state, He has a plan.

So my garden dream was a comfort in these days of wandering. It reminds me that anything I touch will wilt and fall away because thus far, everything has. However God is a gardener and everything He touches will flourish and grow even more beautiful than I can ever imagine. It's in His hands so why worry?

Positive Thoughts Part 1

Can I be honest for a moment? Being positive all of the time sucks. It can be so emotionally draining to feel like you can never be down. Does that make sense? When I first came to school I was a ray of sunshine. I had my moments certainly, but mostly I was fairly cheery. I am still happy but over the last few months a lot of events have dampened my mood. It became difficult to always be cheerful or positive and when everyone expects that of you, it's draining. I never felt like I could have a bad day because others would call me out on it or say that they were going through something worse. Why is it that we are so quick to say that we are worse off than the person next to us? It's like a competition to have a crappier life! So you feel better because you have a worse life than another, but really it is a bad thing because you're life is not good. It all hurts my head. For once I wish that instead of comparing two and two, we would listen with a caring heart and then be heard by an equally caring individual. 

Because I am a fairly competitive individual, I fall into this trap. When really, maybe an event is taking a toll on someone differently than it would me. Lately this is something that I have been working on. I have been trying to place a kind word somewhere maybe I would not have before or attempt to make someone feel like they are being heard. In this way, my hope is that person will pass this on. If they don't, that's alright. I just hope to lift one person even slightly. 

Learning to find the middle ground between being positive and negative can be tricky. I struggle with it every single day. Everybody struggles and everyone needs to feel heard. So if you're reading this, I hope you know that it is okay to have a bad day. It's normal to not always feel like you can smile. Do not let anyone tell you that you are not allowed to hurt or be sad. On another note, don't let anyone tell you that they hurt more than you. Yes, the circumstances might be different than yours. No, that does not mean that your troubles are insignificant. Be compassionate but don't allow yourself to be told you aren't allowed to hurt. Take a mental health day because it is good for your soul. Recoup and get back out there.