Lately circumstances in some of my relationships have caused me to take a lot of steps back. It's certainly not an easy thing to balance your needs and others. For me it feels like if I give in I am backing down and not being true to myself. I definitely struggle with this on a daily basis and because of this at least one relationship has struggled. This has forced me to reevaluate the things that I want, need, and the things that the people in the relationship with me want and need.
One thing I realized was that just because you're using kind words instead of yelling, it does not mean that you're weak or that you don't feel strongly about the issue- just that it is counter-productive to be loud. When people yell at me, I tend to shut them out. It's taken me a while to realize that the same is true for if I yell. Nobody wants to be screamed at and then be forced to admit they are wrong. This is one aspect that I have been working on.
Pointing fingers. I despise the thinking that anyone will force me to do anything. But when I get mad, the blame is immediately on the other person because it must be their fault because they made me mad. I definitely struggle with this all time and am working on being patient and learning when it is worth fighting.
Staying quiet or walking away from an argument is not easy. I've learned over the past few years that I do better when I can walk away from an argument and talk about it later when I am calm. However this can also lead others to feel like they are being shut out. I'm working on finding the happy medium.
Apologizing doesn't mean you're wrong and I struggle with that. I'm not perfect but I'm working to be more productive when upset.
Always,
A
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